I always knew I wanted to be a mother. The thought of someone in this world beside my own parents, looking like me was something I looked forward to. Several years prior to even thinking about conceiving, I began my healing journey—first starting with unpacking my tumultuous relationship I had with my own mother. Simultaneously, I was awakening to new spiritual concepts and alternative healing modalities—Reiki being one that profoundly supported me on a level I didn’t fully understand at the time but had undeniable experiences that I couldn’t overlook. I eventually was led to deepen my relationship with Reiki by becoming certified and attuned. I spent a few years moving through the levels, all the way to Master Level III.

About a year prior to conception, I started receiving several signs from my spirit baby and continued to grow connection with them. They came to me occasionally in meditation, but mainly was this sense of “they are close by”. I started seeing the number sequence ‘922’ EVERYWHERE. I mean, when I say everywhere, I mean that! lol. Which I didn’t realize at the time would be a SIGNIFICANT symbol for this whole journey. (more on this in just a sec.)

Fast forward to the beginning of 2022, I became pregnant— I was excited, nervous, in shock— but quickly after I found out I was pregnant, I miscarried. They call it a “chemical pregnancy”, which to me felt so sterol and cold. I felt shame in even feel the grief I had about it, especially when the Dr. said “this is actually more common than you might think”. I felt the deep loss and grief of what just occurred yet the silver lining was that I realized how much I actually wanted to be a mother. I was ready. So for the rest of that year I decided to intentionally focus on my physical, emotional, hormonal and energetic healing to prep my body to hold new life. In that process, a lot of clearing of the fear, shame, guilt, and other denser emotions that I had repressed within me, within my womb and generationally were unearthed. I received incredible reproductive health support from my acupuncturist, as my hormones and cycle were crazy, to say the least. Still seeing ‘922’ everywhere I looked, really making the connection that it was my Spirit Baby communicating with me, but also has a seed of doubt that I was making it up. Fast forward to September of 2022…after months of consciously intending on conceiving and making energetic space for my baby within my womb—I DISCOVERED I WAS PREGNANT. 9/22. I couldn’t believe it, I was overjoyed and shocked. The signs I had been getting all along were validated and created an even deeper trust in the Divine orchestration of all things. TRUST THE TIMING.

My pregnancy was quite smooth, I felt lucky and blessed that I could do most of the activities that I normally would prior to pregnancy, beside when the sciatica would flare! Ouch!

My water broke on the morning of May 26th and we could already tell that there were some signs of potential meconium in my amniotic fluid. So to be safe, we went to the hospital earlier than anticipated. My contractions were pretty consistent, not sure how far apart they were but I could feel my body inching closer to the birth portal hour by hour. I labored for 7.5 hours. Contractions became more intense, I truly felt myself enter into an altered state. A dance between realms. For the first time I surrendered to my body, I felt it doing what it already knew to do. It was a euphoric experience. The warrior within me was born. I felt powerful, I felt fully present, and proud. I reached 10 centimeters pretty quickly, about a half hour later, my daughter emerged. It was a sweet relief. When she arrived, it was quiet. She wasn’t breathing for what felt like a lifetime, yet was only for a few seconds. Until I heard her muffled cry. We were prepared for potential meconium ingestion, so the NICU team did what they needed to do to suction that out. I felt on cloud 9. The endorphins took over and I was so proud of us, our first dance together. I was still in that euphoric state that I didn’t realize that my baby was still absent from this incredible moment. I was then told that they needed to rush her to the NICU for further examination as there was more than just meconium ingested. I

I was incredibly humbled by postpartum. I had a rough time with postpartum anxiety and rage. Rage was a tricky one because I wasn’t familiar with holding that much anger in my body at one time, or at least comfortable expressing it. I felt the most isolated and alone that I had ever before. I felt like there wasn’t enough space to process my birth experience because my baby was home and doing well now. Breastfeeding was an entirely different world for me and we suffered from thrust really early on. I don’t wish that upon anyone! The pain from that was terrible.

It took me a full year to even feel comfortable looking at pictures of my birth experience because I physically couldn’t bare the memory of it.

I was not the person I used to be yet, not quite the version of me that I was becoming.

The void, the cosmic womb, ready to be birthed as I birthed my baby.

Conscious conception, pregnancy and birth preparation.

Birth trauma, as my daughter swiftly was taken to the NICU to spend the first week of her life being monitored and supported with cooling interventions. This was NOT apart of the plan.

I was quickly humbled by postpartum. Experienced intense Postpartum Anxiety and Postpartum rage.

I felt the pressure to “bounce back”. Felt alone in my experience.

Energy Healing supported me immensely though this process. Through my own energetic healing postpartum as well as supporting clients through that season of life, I realized how important it is on so many levels to

energetic closure to the womb.